Dysfunctional
by brandythe.melville
Summary: Seth is gay. He thinks his life is over when finds his boyfriend cheating on him. But things look up during a non-voluntary trip to the thrift store with his sister, Leah: Seth imprints! But wait, it's on a girl!


**The idea for this story literally came to me when I was finally (after about three hours of trying) drifting off to sleep. So, I just had to write and upload! I really hope that you like it! Oh, before I forget: **

**I don't own Twilight or the characters. All of these are completely owned by Stephanie Meyers. This message applies to all of my story.**

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Dick.

Roger is a dick.

Well, he wasn't until I caught him _sucking on one_ in the school locker room after school earlier. So, as of 3:01 today, Roger Luke Vandyke is a herpes-infested, chlamydia-diseased _dick_.

"Hmm, don't you think you're being a bit harsh?" Leah asks, plopping down next to me on the couch. She holds out a tub of rocky road and a spoon, which I gladly take, and then she curls her legs under her and winks. "I mean, I completely understand the herpes. But don't you think chlamydia is pushing it?"

I roll my eyes and stick a giant spoonful of ice cream into my mouth.

"He deserves both, if you ask me."

"Aww, Seth-"

"I guess it wasn't meant to be. I mean, it's not like imprinted on him. Maybe the wolf gods are trying to tell me something…I'm going to grow old, and fat, and die alone with my seven cats by my side and not a man to call my own."

That monologue earns three nutty spoonfuls.

Leah purses her lips at me and says, "'Wolf gods.'"

"Yeah."

She eyes me for a moment before bouncing up and down. Then she throws a pillow at me.

"Leah Anne Clearwater, my heart is in searing white hot pain from the shock of finding my boyfriend cheating on me. Now _why _are you throwing pillows at my face?!"

"'_Cause_! You're acting all moody and pouty and totally un-Seth. _So_ Roger cheated on you. He was an asshole to begin with, and _you're_ way too good for him. Besides, I bet you that by next week you'll have a brand new guy to flaunt in his face. 'Cause, c'mon, kid. For a little brother, you're fucking _hot_."

Translation: stop pmsing like a little bitch and get over him, Seth.

I roll my eyes again and slump low in the cushions, letting out a long, loud banshee wail.

"My life sucks so baaaaaaaad!"

"Boohoo, you big baby. You're fifteen, have the physique and facial structure of a twenty-year-old Abercrombie model, and turn into a giant, vampire-fighting wolf at will. Oh, your life sucks _so bad._"

She throws another pillow at me. Hard.

"_Le_ah!"

The bitch just smiles at me and swipes the Ben and Jerry's tub out of my hands.

"Come on. What you need is retail therapy."

"No, what I need is that ice cream back so I can wallow in my own self pity for a good three years."

There's a moment of silence as she blinks at me.

"That doesn't sound healthy."

"Sue me."

I reach for the tub and she just stands up to go put it away.

"Let's go shoppingggg!" she sings, prancing into the kitchen.

"I hate you, so much. You know that?"

"Love you, too!"

**~/~/~/~/~**

"Ooh, this is cute!"

Leah presses a Hawaiian print shirt to my chest.

"Uncross your arms, I can't see if this will look good or not."

I press them tighter to my stomach.

"Uncross your arms."

"No."

"You're being difficult," she huffs, throwing the shirt back onto the rack.

"I didn't even want to be here in the first place!"

"Lies! Of course you did!"

"No, you forced this outing upon me. This is completely against my God-earned will!"

"You wanted to come."

"No, I didn't, Leah!" I roll my eyes at her (Wow, this has got to be, like, the two-hundredth time today. It's a record).

"Stop being such a sour-puss," she pokes her bottom lip out as she scans the racks for more Hawaiian shirts. "You're frightening the customers."

Arms still crossed, I look around the thrift store we're in. The only people here besides us are three cashiers and a girl looking through a rack a few feet away from us.

Um, hello? Yeah, Bill Cosby would like his sweater back, thank you.

I give Leah a blank stare. "Yeah, they're so scared, they were spooked into invisibility."

"You're a smartass, you know that?"

"I feel it's one of my best qualities, actually."

She sucks her teeth at me and pulls out a pair of cuffed corduroys.

"Now, you can't lie, you know good and well you're in love with these beauties." Leah holds them out to me, and I have to agree with her; the pants were cute. "Go try them on. And make sure you come out in them so I can tell you if your ass looks good or not."

With a small smile I head for the dressing room. I'm not looking where I'm going and I bump into somebody. Hard.

"Oof!" she grunts, falling to the floor. I gasp and drop the corduroys.

"Oh, my God, I'm so sorry!" I cry as I kneel down to help her up.

"You're," she pauses for a giggle, "fine. Trust me, I'm like, super clumsy."

I help her to her feet. She dusts herself off and looks up at me. Our eyes lock, and I freeze.

Oh…wow.

I stare at her for a good fifteen more seconds, and then Leah calls my name. I immediately unfreeze and jerk backwards, losing my balance.

"Shit!" I hiss, falling into a rack of coats. It jabs my side. "Shit!" I jump backwards and fall square onto my ass. Something rips.

My face turns beat red and I jump to my feet, clapping my hands to my bottom and feeling.

Never again am I buying jeans from JC Penny. Never. Again.

"_Shit_."

I look at the girl again, and another time I get lost in her chocolate brown eyes.

Wait, I'm gay.

Right?

'Cause, I mean, I just imprinted.

And, plot twist: I just imprinted _on a girl_."

"_Shhhit._"

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**So there's the first chapter! The fate of continuing this story rates in your hands, readers! So, review, maybe?**


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